The Promise of Idiocy
by XmagicalX
Summary: A meld of FF8 with another popular RPG. The Promise of Nightmares is my piece de resistance, an epic exploration of the possibilities and potentials of Final Fantasy VIII. This...isn't.


Chapter 7 of the genuine article will be out soon. In the   
meantime - to quote the indomitable Han Solo: "It's not my   
fault!"  
And as soon as I find something to blame it on, I'll let you   
know...  
  
~~~  
  
The Promise of Idiocy  
  
XmagicalX  
  
  
Squall scaled the cliff, his gloved hands easily finding   
purchase on the rough rock. The sun was not yet risen, but   
the sky's gray glow illuminated the mountain range, and the   
peaks were already touched with gold. His opponent was   
waiting for him, here, a mile deep in the wilderness, where   
no instructors would see their duel, or limit it. Seifer   
had offered the challenge, but he had agreed with   
satisfaction. Their official exam was yet to come, but this   
test was more important to both, and one they had been   
awaiting for far longer.  
  
He surmounted the ledge. Seifer stood across the rock-  
strewn ground of the natural arena. He smiled when he saw   
Squall. At last, they were alone.  
  
Mostly alone.  
  
"Do I *have* to wear this cheerleader outfit? It's   
embarrassing, ya know!"  
  
"SILENCE."  
  
"But these pom-poms are too poofy, and the skirt doesn't   
match my complexion, ya know--"  
  
"CHEER!" *kick*  
  
"OW! Okay, okay - gimme an S!"  
  
"S!"  
  
"Gimme an E!"  
  
"E!"  
  
Squall dropped his head into his hand.  
  
"The short version, you plebes!" Seifer hissed.  
  
"Okay - gimme an R! What's that spell? Umm...Ser?"  
  
Another kick, another yelp of pain, drowned out by her cry,   
"SEIFER!"  
  
"Are we gonna have this fight or not?" Squall inquired.  
  
"Clear outa the way," Seifer peremptorily ordered his posse   
cum cheering squad. The opponents waited while Fujin   
marched and Raijin limped off the field, tugging   
ineffectually at his clashing and too short skirt. Then the   
blond man faced Squall. "All right. Now we fight."  
  
Squall nodded, reaching for his belt--  
  
A low, dangerous, female laugh rent the still mountain air.   
Then a sultry alto, electronically amplified through a   
microphone, intoned, "Prepare for trouble!"  
  
"And make it double," purred a tenor, just as smooth.  
  
Seifer and Squall looked at one another. For a single   
moment, bitter and eternal rivals were united by mutual   
exasperation.  
  
"To conquer the world with devastation!"  
  
"To unite all peoples under our nation."  
  
"To denounce the evils of truth and love--"  
  
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"  
  
"Jezi!"  
  
"Dahl!"  
  
"Team Warlock blasts off at the speed of light!"  
  
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight."  
  
"I'm the President, and that's right!"  
  
His role in the slogan completed, Ferdid was quickly stuffed   
back under the sandbags. The other two members of Team   
Warlock jumped out of their hot-air balloon, for whatever   
reasons shaped like a giant torama's head with the basket   
tied to the whisker-tentacles. The evil pair landed between   
Squall and Seifer. Jezi tossed back her long red hair.   
"Now, are you brats going to give us your Forcemon or will   
we have to wreak havoc on your poor, deformed psyches?"  
  
Dahl smiled wickedly, and it wasn't the positively connoted,   
New-England-slang-for-cool-type wicked, either. "You boys   
both got enough nightmares bubbling in your unconscious to   
put you out for a year."  
  
"Yeah, right!"  
  
"....Whatever. Seifer, a truce?"  
  
"Sure. On the count of three...one, two..." He reached for   
his belt. "Three! Ifrit, go!"  
  
"Quetzalcoatl, I choose you!"  
  
The two tossed out their Forcemon stones. Monstrous forms   
swelled up from the round, red-and-white striped magic   
rocks.   
  
"Feh," Seifer sneered, "you expected to take me with that   
worm Professor Cid fobbed off on you? It hasn't even   
evolved into a Thundnaga yet!"  
  
"Ifrit hasn't evolved, either," Squall observed.  
  
Seifer swelled. "I just got it!"  
  
Jezi and Dahl, who had upon the release of the Forcemon   
grabbed onto each other for dear life, realized they were   
neither zapped nor toasted yet. Dahl stopped bawling and   
began to smile predatorily again, turning toward Seifer, who   
was distracted by his irate explanation of how difficult it   
was to capture an Ifrit, how many of his Forcemon had   
fainted in the Fire Cave before he even made it, why he   
hadn't had any potions to revive them--  
  
Squall, noticing Dahl's attentions, shouted, "Quetzalcoatl!   
Thunder attack!"  
  
The crackle of electricity building around the trenchcoated   
snake was audible. Dahl glanced from Seifer to the   
Forcemon, then glommed onto Jezi with a shriek of alarm.   
She glared down at him, opening her mouth to demand just   
where exactly did he think he was putting his hands--  
  
ZZZZZZZZZAP!  
  
There was a brilliant flash. When the afterimages cleared,   
Jezi and Dahl had been reduced to two rapidly diminishing   
twinkles on the horizon. Squall heard them exclaim as they   
flew out of sight, "Looks like Team Warlock's magicked off   
again!"  
  
"Quetzalcoatl, return," Squall said.  
  
"Ifrit, come back," Seifer commanded, retrieving his   
Forcestone. He looked at Squall. "You taught it Thunder?"  
  
"I've been putting all my AP points toward it," Squall said,   
in a tone which would have been called smug had anyone else   
used it. "Since this didn't go as planned, you want to try   
again tomorrow?"  
  
Seifer looked at Quetzalcoatl's Forcestone on Squall's belt,   
then down at Ifrit's, and licked his lips. "Eh,   
well...tomorrow's not good. How about in a week - how about   
two weeks? Two weeks, same time, same place? That good for   
you?"  
  
"Fine," Squall said.  
  
"Two weeks, then." Seifer lifted his head arrogantly. "Then   
you'll see how a real Forcemon master fights. Smell ya   
later!" He strode off the ground, his posse following.   
  
At least until Raijin tripped on a rock and tumbled off the   
cliff face. His cry echoed through the valley. "Hey,   
this's the short way down, ya knooooooooooooooow!"  
  
Squall put his hand to his forehead, and wondered how much   
SquareSoft had possibly been paid to go back to working for   
Nintendo.  
  
~~~  
  
The cameo villains are from The Promise of Nightmares,   
albeit in a slightly modified form.  
  
Allusions to a certain highly popular game and anime are a   
product of your own overactive imagination.  
  
Really.  



End file.
